Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
