And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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