and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
