I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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