she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize