ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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