So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
