the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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