Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
