Is it because I queefed?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
