dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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