I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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