Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
if only i could text you this smell
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
