paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
