I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She made me pour olive oil on her.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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