Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
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