omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
