Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
