id be glad to
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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