Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
