Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
