I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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