I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
