true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
