6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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