he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Brb crying the tears of my youth
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
