Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Can Purell be used as lube?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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