I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
