I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
