Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
