I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My vagina just clenched in fear
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
