If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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