As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
