Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
