Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
