he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
