it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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