Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
