It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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