he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize