I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
