Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize