You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Naked Twister starts at high noon
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize