I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
