I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize