I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
