Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
