she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Drunk is not a location!
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
