Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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