We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
