All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
