oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
