Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
