i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
