i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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