Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
