She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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