i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i drank out of a bidet.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
