I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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