hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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