I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
