I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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