i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
