I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
