Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Randomize
