Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
