I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
