So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
