Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize