scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
