my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize