Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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