like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize