We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
His hands were made for my vagina.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
