I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
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