I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
