My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
