Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize