i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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