yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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