i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
