So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
