he was CRYING into my vagina
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
