Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
