Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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