i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
